Black men + white women = black women bashing

If you’ve read the rest of this series you might be wondering what all this talk of black men with white women has to do with being a black girl. Well it does effect us black girls for a few obvious reasons.

We’ve seen the pictures of prominent black men who date and marry white women. We’ve seen black athletes, musicians and actors with white women. Our attention has been drawn to this in a very specific way and I don’t think the attention has been based on reality or real numbers on the subject.

Sometimes when the question of black men and white women comes up the next immediate conclusion is that there is something wrong with black women. Lots of negative attention has fallen on black women. Their faults have been grouped together as the reason for why black men love white women.

I love interracial relationships! I think they are beautiful. The idea of two rich cultures coming together is a great picture of the beauty of unity.

It’s sad that two colours and cultures coming together could be a cause for hate. When I started thinking about writing on this topic I looked around to hear what people were saying. Often times the focus was on how black women failed.

If a black man loved a white women then it was because black women were

too fat, ugly, had a bad attitude or were ghetto etc.

When one of my white friends asked me why black men loved white women and I gave her the standard Youtube answer she was immediately  annoyed. As a white woman she knows so many beautiful black women that this ignorance couldn’t resonate with her for even a second. She wouldn’t buy that answer coming from a black man or anyone.

mad black woman

Black women are often portrayed as angry, too independent, mouthy  and strong for a black man. The sad thing is this ignorant attitude has been bought. Black women get a bad rap in the media. In many ways stereotypes influence the life of a black girl or woman.


To black men that date and hate:

I’m sorry but I don’t see how a black man loving another race of woman means you should degrade all black women . Even if a few women you dated fit this stereotype and you had a bad experience that would still be no excuse to now blanket all black women everywhere into this negativity.

When I hear stuff like this I think it’s pure cowardice.

In every race there are good and bad people. In every relationship there are good and bad things. I would never bash black men and say a bunch of negative things about them because I married someone that is not black. That would be crazy. It’s interesting that this black woman bashing is accepted as a valid reason for choosing not to date black women.

If you want to be with someone of a different race then do it and own it. Don’t use your personal negative experiences to excuse  your choices. You don’t need to blame all black women everywhere because you have not dealt with your issues. Getting to the root of your baggage is always needed when starting a relationship. If you are dating someone because you can’t stand the females of your race and are trying to distance yourself from your culture then that is your own negative decision that will have it’s own repercussions.

You need inner healing and should stop dating immediately until you find it. Otherwise you’re doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again. If you can’t see past people’s skin colour to their personality and character then how can you hope to have a satisfying relationship with someone?

Hope for black women

Another important topic to bring up would be the idea that if a black man doesn’t want a black woman than all hope is lost for black women. I read a statistic the other day that basically said that in North America there are just plain less black men that are available. With the way black men are targeted by law enforcement and other things they have against them the odds of finding a man that is where you want him to be and ready to settle down may be very slim.

white guy black girl

If it’s true that there are  less black men in North America then if a black woman wants to get married it’s more likely that she will have to either move to an area where there are more black men or marry outside of her race.

AMBW family photoshoot

So it wouldn’t make sense for  black women to hold their breath waiting for a black man to date. So that means that no black woman should be personally offended if she sees a black man with another race of woman. If a woman is personally offended than she’ll have to get over that.

The problem with this is that it’s difficult to get over it when it is constantly thrown in your face. Black women are made to feel like they are personally losing if a black man is with another race.  When I began looking stuff up online I found a few articles with titles such as…”sorry ladies this one is gone too.”last holiday

Some black women might be offended when they see a black man with a white woman. They’ve been trained to be offended by that but if the statistics are true than it’s pointless to be offended because that dude might be single or with another woman and not necessarily with you even if he wasn’t dating that white woman. This kind of goading at black women creates tension in the black community for no reason.  If you are a black woman that has been influenced with this mentality don’t take the bait. You will unwittingly reinforce stereotypes that people have about you.

black black relationship

The truth is whether you end up with a black man or not you deserve to be cherished. My hope is that you will look beyond colour and allow someone to lavish on you the love you deserve. Sometimes that kind of love might not come from a guy of your own race if you haven’t met any that recognize your beauty. No matter what colour you are don’t allow prejudice and stereotypes to keep you from authentic love. The most important thing is to love and value yourself for all of what makes you special and you will attract a person who will do the same.

white and black woman


For Black Girls book


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