In When Waiting Goes Wrong I spoke about the disillusionment that falls over Christian women when they are waiting for sex and their future spouse. When we focus on the what we expect from God rather than what he’s already blessed us with it’s easy to get into a bad head space.
If you’re a Christian young woman chances are you’ve already been indoctrinated with the belief that you will one day meet prince charming… if you just wait long enough. But many women find themselves fed up by their mid 20’s if their soul mate has not yet appeared. It’s easy to have the wrong focus because we are constantly bombarded with fake images through the media and even through real life people that surround us. If we keep our focus on who God is and what he’s called us to while we are single we can expect a life full of adventure and surprise. Waiting doesn’t get easier but it does get better when you are allowing God to shape you into who you are supposed to be.
So the question now is not –what do I do in the meantime while I am waiting ?–because that is a passive attitude based on being rescued from your current situation. The thing is… you don’t need rescuing. You should be living your life fully while you are single and when you are in a relationship. A better question is– What should I be doing now? Here are some quick suggestions.
First off you need to make solid plans for your future. Daydreaming is great for creativity and problem solving but that’s about it. You need to make plans and enjoy your life. Look forward to your plans. Get focused on what you want out of life and what God may be asking you to do. Script out a 5 year plan and then break it into yearly, monthly, weekly and daily actions that will help you get to your goal. You are free to do anything your heart desires as long as it’s not destructive toward you. Do you want to save more money? Get in shape? Travel? further your education? Join a mission team? Do it!
Ask God to show you areas of your life that you may need healing in. You can get healing from old hurts or even negative mindsets that cause you make the same wrong decisions over and over again. When we find ourselves stuck in a rut or repeating the same mistakes over and over again it’s usually because we need a different perspective. We gain a new perspective when we’ve dealt with our old heart wounds. Are you stuck in a negative relationship? Are you unable to vision for your future? Do users seem to find you no matter where you go? These could be signs that you need some inner healing. It’s a good idea to make this a priority because it will help propel your life in the right direction. If you plan to be in a relationship in the future you will need to deal with your inner stuff before your stuff meets your spouse’s stuff.
There is so much waiting for you if you will open your eyes to it. Can you even imagine what God has in store for you? If the thought of what he has for you doesn’t excite you then you might need a jumpstart in your faith walk. Make your relationship with God a priority in your life. Allow your decisions to be guided by your relationship with him. If you are living your life without the counsel of God you are missing out on the best he has to offer you. Living life on the line of what you are and not allowed to do is boring and a waste. Dive into all that God has dreamed for you.
Build into your family relationships and your friendships. Not only will this make your life more fun and fulfilling but it is also great practice for maintaining your relationship with your spouse and your own family one day. Learn the do’s and don’ts from your first family and use that as a template for your own future family. Unlearn bad habits that your family might not be aware of and create new disciplines for the life that you want. Ask your friends about things you could work on in your life and be open to change. I have a few friends that have made this a regular practice in their lives. I don’t need to ask my friends what I need to change because they are pretty vocal with me already! It can be scary to ask someone to point out your faults but you will be a better person for it.
Get your money in order. Pay off your debts and learn how to manage money well. Dealing with money will only get more difficult as the years go on and you add on new expenses, so getting a handle on things early can be a great head start to a good financial future.
It can be tempting to put your life on hold while you wait for a relationship to pan out or even begin, but if you are always waiting and not acting in your life you will be miserable. You will miss out on so many things that would enrich you as a person. Keep your heart focused on the right things.
Nana Abraham is a speaker, youth activist and author of For Black Girls: The Shaping of a Young Woman– a handbook for life that discusses relevant issues for young women today.