I had to get this off of my chest. Having just finished writing a book for young black women I know I’ll have to get used to people outside of my circle of friends knowing what I think. Thank you to those that have been reading my blogs, sharing and supporting me with your encouragement. I really appreciated it. Life is easier with great friends.
First off I want to say that I’m thankful that my church -Toronto City Church is a great place to be on Mother’s Day. My pastors do a great job of honouring all women at each stage and season of life. I’ve never felt uncomfortable with the service on Mother’s Day. The service yesterday was very encouraging to everyone. But now that I’m married and older (I’m still very young ?) I’ve felt a lot of pressure as a woman to fit into the mold that others expect of me.
I’m extremely thankful and happy with my life. I know I am blessed. I was blessed on the day that I was born with a unique destiny that I’m eager to fulfill.
I was blessed when I was single and I’m blessed as a married woman. In the same way I consider myself blessed to be in this stage of my life without children and I’m using my time wisely and happily in preparing for the future in case you were wondering. Being a mom is hard work. I don’t need to be a mom to recognize that. I have a mom and know many moms. I also know that fulfilling my destiny is also hard work and God has given me grace for every stage that I’ve ever been in.
I don’t want to take away from the joys of Mother’s Day but when I saw this post I wanted to stand with women of all stages of life who may not have felt celebrated unless they were married or mothers.
If you know a remarkable woman in your life make sure that you take some time out to congratulate her on who she is and how hard she works. Don’t wait for her to announce that she’s getting married or having a baby before you tell her and show her how special she is.
If you have a daughter remind her of all of her qualities and raise her in a way that will encourage her to be at her best at all times.
The truth is that so many things can happen to a girl that will change her future from what she expected. She needs to be ready for all of it, not just expecting to get married and have kids when that might never happen. So many women feel disappointed and like a failure when they are not where they wanted or expected to be at their age and that is a sad mark on our society. Women who are successful but may not have kids are made to feel like something is wrong with them. Or guilty for their lives. There is unneeded pressure on women who have limited time to reproduce. I’m convinced some men may feel that pressure too even though they technically may not have as many time constraints.
Those of you single and married moms and single or married women who are working hard as fashion designers, homemakers, pastors, missionaries, entrepreneurs, teachers, supporting your families, students, writers, child and youth workers, lawyers, nurses, continuing higher education, serving God and striving for your dreams – you hold my utmost respect.
The happiest most productive women I know are content at each stage using it to the fullest to accomplish what they were born for. I admire those women.
If you know a single woman don’t ask her when she will be getting a boyfriend or married- it is insensitive and rude- I guarantee you she knows she’s single without your reminders. If you know a woman who is childless don’t assume she’s unaware of that fact unless you bring it up. Unless you are a close friend of hers don’t ask her personal reproductive questions. (I’m writing this because some people just don’t know or think about it. I use to do this to people as well lol but now I know how annoying it is!)
I’ve had people question me and I honestly don’t know what to say. If I say I’m happy with where I am I get asked how old I am and a lecture about being a mother and my biological clock. I’m glad I waited to have sex until I was married (I know this may seem personal but so is asking a woman when she is having a baby) I’ve only been married for 4 years. Just because I’m married now doesn’t mean I’m willing to be harassed. I’m well aware of how old I am and where I’m at with my eggs! Doing things God’s way is not always easy but it’s always worth it.
The bible tells us to be content so I am trying to grow in that. It’s awkward, should I pretend to be sad when I’m not? Or would people prefer to see me stressed out and distracted? I know that any shift into a new stage will bring its own challenges so I’m only eager for what God has communicated to me.
The subject of fertility is a complicated one. Getting pregnant isn’t something controllable. From some people’s comments, you’d think you could just order a baby from the stork and watch it land on your doorstep. I am wise enough to not yet envy any stage that I’m not in because each stage has its delights and difficulties. Whatever the future holds for me is what I look forward to. It’s difficult enough to be a woman without having strangers remind you that your biological clock is ticking lol. If you are curious about when a woman will have a baby or concerned I suggest you pray for her in private and wait for her to mention something to do with babies. Stressing out women with your thoughts is not helpful to their reproductive system nor is it loving. Making comments and assumptions when they are loving and holding other people’s babies is not witty. I’m speaking for all women who have experienced this.
I’m very thankful for my mother and mother-in-law and all of my spiritual mothers because they modeled what the life of a woman looks like with all of its joys and pain. I know that I’m loved at whatever season I’m in. I’m blessed because of that.
A woman’s “place” is not in the home or out of the home. A woman’s “place” is wherever God has her at that moment and that’s the best place to be.