Once you’ve figured out what page you are on personally, then it’s time to find out what your partner thinks.
What are their reasons for dating? Although this is a basic question don’t make assumptions. Are they interested in companionship? Is marriage on the radar? Are they open to having children? Someone asked me today “Dating with intention…what about dating for fun?” That’s part of what this is about. Some people’s intention is to date for fun and that’s ok as long as you both know that and are on the same page.
Temperament and Personality
Do a personality test and find out more about yourself and your potential partner. 16personalities is a fun quick way to learn more. Your partner’s temperament and personality can tell you a lot about how they approach life and situations. Are they generally optimistic or pessimistic? How does their personality influence the main areas of their life?
How do they respond to conflict? Do they have healthy tools to work through conflicts and misunderstandings? Are they open to learning? Are they able to remain logical and calm during major conflicts or are their responses over the top? Do they shut down? How do you both interact with each other when you are heated? How easy is it for each of you to get heated or upset?
How do they navigate these relationships? Are there any co-dependent or toxic occurrences? Are they able to recognize these relationships for what they are or are they oblivious? What does a healthy family relationship look like to them and have they ever seen that modeled? Is that something they value for their future home?
Do you both have similar approaches to getting a job done? Are you both goal-oriented or not? Do you or your partner value hard work? Is either of you a workaholic? Does either of you shirk responsibilities? Are they a perfectionist or able to let things slide?
What does leisure time mean to you? Are you extraverted or introverted? This will affect how you spend your leisure time. Are you a homebody or like to go out a lot? What kind of hobbies can you both share but more importantly what does rest look like to each of you?
What are their cultural views? How have they responded to things like personality disorders and mood disorders? Are they open to receiving professional help and do they have a history of seeking professional help when needed? Seeking professional help is not a weakness it is a strength. Having a mental illness or mood disorder doesn’t mean it’s time to throw your hands up and walk away. It is possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has these things if they are open to seeking continual help rather than avoiding the situation. The problem comes in when these issues are not managed well. Are they open about struggles or do they keep them hidden?
Are you in similar places in your commitment to health and wellness? Are you interested in finding a partner that can keep up with you or vice versa? People sometimes make this about purely shallow reasons but there is more to healthy living then just what you look like. Do they take visits to the doctor seriously? Are there health factors and risks in their life that can be avoided?
What kind of family are you interested in having? Do you want to have children, adopt, or foster? What values will be important to your household? What does commitment look like in your home? How involved do you want to be in your extended family’s life? How involved do you want to be in your friend’s lives? How will you spend holidays and other important events?
What are their spending and saving habits? Are you on the same page about what you value? Will you make enough money to support the lifestyle you want? What are the values you hold for the future- comfortable living, investments and wealth building, generosity, living below your means, or a minimalist lifestyle? Are any of these deal breakers for you or are you flexible?
What do you think about any of these topics? What has your experience been?