Have you ever bought anything “as is”?
It basically means that you are agreeing to buy something in its present state. That could end up being a deal in the long run or a pain. It all depends on how much you’ve examined your purchase and made sure it’s worth it for you to buy “as is”.
When I bought my used car I decided to take it as is. I felt that I was getting a deal based on the quality of the car the mileage, year, wear and tear, and some perks. Since it was an older car I knew I’d have some repairs on the way. My worst fear was that the car would become a money pit. Thankfully after a few needed updates/ repairs, it ended up being worth it. When I bought the car I also had no idea how to drive a manual. I took at the time what I felt was a moderate risk. I’d only driven automatics up until that point. I quickly enlisted some friends to teach me. It was fun, scary and I have a few hilarious and frustrating stories to go along with that learning curve. There were times when I just wanted to leave the car at home (or on the highway) and hitch a ride to where I needed to go. Now imagine if I had given up learning and then blamed the guy I bought it from for all of my problems from there on out?
Dating can be a bit like that. When you’re dating someone you’re making a decision to take them as is. So you need to be diligent in weighing out the cost, the risks, and how much you’ll have to learn to make it work or walk away.
Deciding whether or not you like someone for who they are can be a confusing process.
When do you get to the end of deciding if someone is right for you? What if they change? You can’t control all outcomes but you can bring your most authentic self to a new dating relationship and hope that the person you are interested in is doing the same.
Dating is a time to explore possibilities and if you are on the same page, possibly end up at the same destination. When you are dating someone you should have a high percentage of being satisfied and happy with who the person is. Their character, the way they think, where they are going, and how attracted you are to them are a few things you should be already willing to accept. You are dating this person “as is”. It’s so easy to confuse dating someone “as is” with someone’s potential but this is a recipe for disaster.
As women, from my experience, we are probably more often guilty of this. We like someone that is probably not the best for us but we want to believe we can make that person who we want or we can change the core of who they are. I spoke a bit about this in Stop Loving The Bad Boy. Who are they today-in this moment, and do you like them? It’s helpful to have an idea of what your “as is” list is before you meet someone, keeping in mind that you may consider some things on your list more important than other things and this could change later on.
I do think that any couple that wants to grow together and grow stronger should have two individuals that are committed to becoming better people. So unlike liking ten percent of someone and expecting that person to change ninety percent try to make sure you like them based on the ninety (some of the things we spoke about in the last blog) while leaving room for the ten percent growth.
Both people in the relationship should be open to growth suggestions. Personally, I think if someone is stubborn or resistant to growth that’s a red flag. However, keep in mind that no one wants to feel like they are not good enough for someone. So make sure that you do like the person you are with “as is”
What do you think about dating someone “as is”? Do you think it’s hard to notice the difference between wanting to change a person and inspiring yourself and the other person to grow?
Yes, Yes and Yes! LOVE THIS!!! Thank you!
Thanks for your comment Debbie!
It’s difficult to know the difference but I think if they have either similar or complementary values to you it’s a good starting point and you can argue with them later to make sure they squeeze the tooth paste out from the bottom down the road.