Last week I spoke about dating someone “as is”
If you find yourself dating and in a place of constant disproval it could be a sign that you are unsatisfied with your relationship. Anything that concerns you could become something that gets magnified later so it’s important to pay attention to things that you notice early on as an issue.
What is the difference between pushing someone into who you want them to be instead of taking on a more supporting role?
You find yourself reminding or pressuring the person you are with to do things that you feel should be something they want to do on their own. You feel impatient with how they are behaving or their progress. Without your reminders, nothing would happen.
You find yourself picking up the slack where another is not living up to standard. You are fixing problems that they leave behind with their lack of foresight and inability to learn from their past mistakes.
If you find yourself in either of these negative situations early on you need to take an honest review of your relationship. Are you in it for wrong dysfunctional reasons?
This looks like challenging each other to maintain goals. The main motivation for anything should come from a feeling of necessity within each person and both of you should be willing and able to grow and change to some degree even without outside encouragement.
There’s a lot of rhetoric surrounding relationships and people’s ability to find someone on the same level. But what does that really mean when you think about it? Is it possible to meet someone that can share all of your experiences and interactions with the world around you and agrees with you about everything? Would you even want that? I don’t think so.
I think it’s possible to build a foundation on interests and values. A friend of mine said the most important thing is comfort and fit. I actually liked that comment because each person is so different you really just need to decide what is right for you, which can be a challenging or fun process.
Try to put some real effort into getting to know what the person you are dating stands for. What’s the point of investing deep emotionally or relying on physical attraction only to find out later that your values are huge barriers between you.
Something important to work on is making sure that you are trying to embody what it is you are looking for and want. Unrealistic expectations come with being an unrealistic person. Unrealistic?- A person who isn’t putting in the work to be a better person in all areas of their life but expects their partner to be great or for amazing things to just roll in. An unrealistic person gets caught up in blaming others for their failings.
It’s ok to dream about what you want but don’t wait for that to start your life. Focus on being the best version of yourself and pursuing your own life purpose.
I find distinguishing between nagging and encouragement important. In the later I think there is already a Will within the person which wants to change or accomplish something where as nagging often happens when the person that wants the change most is not the person that has to make the change. Obviously, situations like this in relationships cause tension. My better half goes on marathon walks to the lake – like its a casual stroll and sometimes depending on the weather I will say – this looks like a good day for a walk to the lake but because the lake walk is something that she enjoys and wants to do – it doesn’t come across as nagging but as being supportive – which she enjoys. I think.
Good point you made “Nagging happens when the person that wants the change most is not the person that has to make the change”
You are supporting one of your wife’s interests that will in turn also improve your marriage (quality time) and your health (exercise). Good deal! Men should follow their wives examples more often 😉