Learning to Confront Part 2
When we decide to confront someone it’s important to remember that people carry unique perspectives that come from their history. We filter our interactions and experiences through what we’ve learned from others. For some, their lenses are formed through past trauma or negative experiences. This makes it hard for a person to be objective about what they are hearing when being confronted.
I’m sure we all wish we could confront issues and it could be straight forward, but because we as humans are so layered we really don’t know what will happen. You might be the first person to ever challenge or bring up an issue with a person. If they’ve never heard it before this could cause them to think that you are nitpicking, attacking or lying to them. If they have heard it before it could rehash painful memories of past failures, or abandonment.
I don’t have any recommendations on how to get someone to hear what you need to say. Helping a loved one or an acquaintance see things from a new perspective can be challenging. How do you ensure what you say will be heard and taken in the way you intend it? There is no formula, but giving the person you are confronting space to process can help. Don’t automatically assume they will agree or understand what you are saying. Give yourself space and time to offer more insight if the person needs it.
Be self aware and know if something is triggering you in the conversation. Are you having a strong emotional reaction? Are they? Is there an underlying memory that is affecting either of you? Can you take a step back to process and deal with the issue at a later time? Taking time to decipher if you or the person you are confronting may have other issues at play will hopefully give you more grace to understand where the other person is coming from.
Have you ever given up when trying to confront someone?