Mixed Messages I’ve received as a Black Woman-Part 4

Interracial relationships

Relationships are another area where I’ve witnessed some mixed messages. There is a lot of social commentary when it comes to black women dating in North America  Are black women desired and dated by other races? This seems to be a popular question. I would say yes. But rhetoric surrounding this issue focuses on the assumption of the difficultly black women have trying to find a spouse. (Check out this article on the offensive UN’s valentines day post that many found offensive)

I personally wonder if this is more of an issue within the African diaspora and if it in fact exists. I haven’t looked at statistics on this. When I was in Uganda I noticed that men were very quick to find wives and start families as it was a priority to them.

In North America, it seems there is a lot of black women bashing and assumptions that some black women want to be alone or are not capable of finding suitable spouses due to some of the stereotyping and mixed messages I mentioned previously. But there is a lot of policing of who she dates as well. If a black woman is seen as undesirable by particular black men or she wants to date outside her race she is then burdened with the thoughts that somehow she is betraying her race.

I’ve spoken to black men who hold black women responsible for dating outside their race citing a negative impact on the future of black people, but do not hold black men to that same standard. This logic makes no sense to me for many reasons. One I don’t think it’s possible to ever run out of black people in the world. And I’m a supporter of being free to marry whoever you seem fit. But on top of that, I think it’s ridiculous that the responsibility of loyalty is now on the black woman’s shoulders while men are allowed to date and be with whoever they want. A black woman is made to feel guilty for seeking love outside of her race. A popular example of this is the famous tennis player Serena Williams. As a woman, she has been scrutinized and questioned about her choice of a white husband. However many black men who are just as popular and famous have not been questioned on their choice of a white wife. It seems to be more accepted if black men date other women that are not black but seen as strange if black women date other men who are not black.

To read more on my thoughts on this check out an old article I wrote called Why do Black men love White women