Unrealistic Expectations Part 1
You’re too picky.
A phrase many women have heard before. I am completely biased in this, but the more I meet amazing women who have not been able to meet equally amazing men the more doubts I have that this is the problem.
Having said that, I can honestly say that some people have crazy unrealistic expectations of what they should want. Thanks to false narratives, old fashioned beliefs and the mainstream, people don’t even recognize the things they are asking for don’t add up. Women and men have been stereotyped and judged and people are finding it harder to get to know others as individuals or take the time to discover if they differ from what is being presented about their expectations of relationships. If you’re single don’t just accept the narrative that there are no good women or men out there.
In theory this could all be easy, find someone you love and settle down with them. But unrealistic expectations and reality make this difficult. Most people genuinely believe that they will be amazing partners. Can you imagine someone saying “I will be the worst partner you ever had!” If someone said that to you you’d probably think they were exaggerating. But this might be closer to the truth. So what are the issues?
If compatibility isn’t based on core values it can be ever changing. It’s hard to figure out if you are compatible with someone if you base this on shallow and trivial pursuits. These types of markers often change as time passes.
Someone can believe they will be a great partner, but without acceptance of honest feedback they can have huge blind spots that make them problematic. Blame usually helps people deal with failure in their lives. It’s easier to blame another person than to accept that you are lacking healthy beliefs, habits or systems to make relationship thrive. People will say and promise anything going into a relationship and they may mean well, but not be realistic about what they can actually offer and do. Lack of self awareness at this point is big. A lot can happen when who you don’t know who you are.
I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen people declare what they would like in a partner only to ignore the main simple things they are asking for when it is right in front of them. Maybe it’s fear or wanting something more. You need to be real and honest about what you actually want. Honest to yourself and to others. If you just say what someone else wants to hear you are not doing yourself any favours.
What are other ways that we can have unrealistic expectations?