Unrealistic Expectations Part 2
Them: You’re too picky you should lower your standards
You: Proceeds to date a guy…
Them: He’s not good enough for you!
I joke, but honestly- it be like that sometimes! In continuation with last week’s topic I’d like to bring a few other things to your attention that can also cause relationship issues and unrealistic expectations.
Other people can help a relationship thrive and sometimes they can be key players in it’s demise. Friends can mean well but they can also create misunderstandings. Do your friends challenge you with realistic expectations and question your delusions or inconsistencies? Or do they accept everything at face value and egg you on into bad decisions? Do they keep you honest with yourself? Do they warn you when they think things could be damaging or dangerous -or do they have an “it’s none of my business” mentality when you need them most? Do they project their own fears and relationship insecurities onto you? These are important things to consider to when you choose those who you will share with and receive advice from.
Everyone loves a vacation and having a break from reality. Relationships usually thrive in the beginning stages or in fairytale, vacation like environments. In the beginning things can seem easier because there is no burden of real life living. The person you’re interested in can say anything and be anything in your mind with no pressure to prove themselves. Living in real life with all of its stress is challenging even as a single person. So developing good personal habits on things like health, cleaning, scheduling, working and fun can help when you combine your life with another. Within a relationship there are so many more conflicts that can come to the forefront. Both of you need to have good money habits, health habits and time management skills in place and communicate your preferences and expectations so that you can tackle life as a team and deal with new challenges that arise, together.
Your ability to recognize people as multidimensional sums of their hopes, desires and history will help you to accept their quirks and inconsistencies. We go to others with our layers and they come to us with theirs. Our experiences shape how we look at the world, how we trust and what we believe. Our history shapes our future decisions. Some of us have had a more challenging history than others. It doesn’t make sense to hold everyone to the same standard of how they live their lives when we all have different ways of handling the past.
Ultimately you need to be authentic with yourself and others. With healing and time you will be able to truly know what you want and what you need. Being authentic across all of the relationships in life- your friends, family and even co-workers is great practice for building healthy life habits and boundaries. These will help you enjoy your single life and romantic relationships.
Do you have any comments on some of the topics I’ve discussed or one I’ve missed? What do you think helps a relationship become more authentic?