Aloof, cruel, mysterious, withdrawn, what’s our obsession with loving the bad boy?
Why are they always the best-looking ones in the movies and books? Are we being conditioned to like the men that treat us badly? Do we love the guys who require the most work? Do nice guys finish last?
Deep down maybe we think they are just lost and with a little help and guidance from us (big wink), they will be the men we’ve always wanted. In our heads, we tell ourselves they are sweet underneath the tortured exterior.
How many of you have ever loved a bad boy? If you watched Gilmore girls and were #teamJess then you’re already too far gone! Sure he was cute as Milo Ventimiglia is easy on the eyes but he was not a good boyfriend to Rory.
Is there something about them that makes them alluring? Is it the desire to be wanted by someone unattainable? Why do we go through the emotional stress to our own detriment to support these guys? Maybe there is some psychological reason that we gravitate to these types of men but we need to open our eyes to the messages we are really saying to ourselves.
- I don’t deserve to be loved well
It’s difficult to figure out the balance between once in a while hard times and consistent problems, but when you are constantly dealing with stress and pain from your significant other and they don’t seem to care- it’s probably a sign that something is gravely wrong. You deserve better. When you put up with the bad behavior you are teaching yourself and the other person that you don’t deserve better.
- I have the power to change another person
I’ve spoken about this before, but as women, we receive mixed messages about standing with partners through their transitions and growth. We need to remember that it’s not our place or job to change someone that is not interested in changing. It’s a pointless painful task.
- What I imagine is better then what is real
Get out of your head and into reality. Your imaginary future or what he says he hopes things will be like does not replace what’s happening in your present. If he says he loves you and doesn’t treat you properly then he doesn’t know what love is. If you have to make up stories every time you hang out with him to explain to yourself why he did something that hurt you deeply then you are not living in reality. I know I’ve been guilty of making up excuses in my mind for why someone did what they did.
- I’ll put up with anything
This point is kind of like the first one. You are teaching yourself and the other person that you will put up with anything so why would they need to be better?
I do think popular media plays a part in our romanticizing of the bad boy because I can easily think of many movies, shows and artists that promote that bad boy image. My hope is that as women we will start putting ourselves first and liking guys for deeper reasons then the rugged exterior. If we are in a relationship, we need to strive for ones that are healthy and balanced. If we notice negative patterns in ourselves then we must look deeper and deal with some of the hurtful messages we have believed about love and ourselves.
We also need guys to be more honest but that’s for a future blog!